Grim Reaper
Coach
Joined: 19 Nov 2004
Posts: 1253
Location: Sydney - Home of the nrl bogan
4230 Credits
Team: Port Adelaide
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 Posted: Mon Dec 19, 2005 12:05 pm Post subject: |
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Aussie race-riot team jubilant over World Cup qualification
Tuesday, 13 December 2005
by Dave Stewart
Fans of the latest “extreme” sport, race-rioting, were celebrating last night as Australian race-rioters qualified for the first time to compete in the presitigious World Cup finals, to be held in Germany next year. The qualification was awarded after the local team demonstrated their skills across Sydney in a recent spate of racist attacks, unprovoked attacks and drunken outrages, demonstrating that youth and inexperience were no obstacles to establishing a strong presence in the sport.
Police were the pioneers in this exciting field, but have taken a backward step to allow our new national heroes take centre stageThe qualification performance was all the more impressive considering that, unlike many race-rioting events across the world, it occurred during fixtures throughout Sydney that featured only home sides. “Many countries need the adrenaline of a true cultural collision, with migrants fresh off the boat, to generate the kind of bottle-throwing, abuse-hurling ugliness that the Australian team manages when confrontingnew people five suburbs away who were born in the same country,” marvelled commentator and keen sports fan, Alan Jones. “It’s sheer natural talent, I tell you. We can go all the way.”
The man that many regard as the father of modern Australian race-rioting was keen today to keep the focus on the field, and not hog the limelight. “Australia’s a sports-mad country, so it’s only natural that we should be really into this,” said national team coach and part-time Prime Minister, John Howard. He noted that, with world-wide coverage of the Australian riots gaining a global audience, “the world has really seen what we can do … it’s such a buzz to think about billions around the world, looking up at their TV screens and seeing the scoreboard – the racist slogans chanted, the bottles thrown, you name it – and thinking – wow, that’s the Australian dream. That makes me terribly proud.”
Howard was dismissive of those who talked down today’s achievement as a one-off or a fluke. “Some people try and tar the entire country with the racist tag but as Prime Minister, I don’t accept that,” he said today, noting that “you’ve actually got to really look hard to find world-class racists in Australia.” He believes that previous Governments’ failure to fund the sport at the grass-roots is to blame – wasted years he feels are only now beginning to end: “It wasn’t as if this would happen automatically – it takes effort to be competitive in the sport at this level. But with the sheer volume of natural talent, and a slow but steady program to build up the confidence of our team members over the past few years, we’ve really cracked it.”
Surveys suggest it's more like 10% Aussie pride, 60% racism and 30% alcoholAustralia, who were unseeded in previous competitions due to a generation during which the sport languished for lack of interest, will face a strong field of contenders in the contest to be world-class racists. Strong backing goes to France (former titleists, fielding a contingent of Parisian race-rioters who would be particularly strong in events such as the car-burning and linguistic exclusion categories), as well as nostalgic favourites and host nation, Germany. The USA, the Balkans and the UK are all fielding strong performances in the past 12 months, although the real power in world race-rioting lays in the Middle East and northern African region, where many nations participated in competitive race-rioting – and indeed, the full-contact variant, “ethnic cleansing” - at the national, regional, local and club level.
The PM was particularly proud to see that talented racial incitement and abusive behaviour was emanating from both the ‘old’ and ‘new’ groups of Australian society, suggesting that racism was a force that would continue to inspire a new generation of champions for decades to come. “As Prime Minister, I don’t know what makes me more proud – seeing the Australian flag torn down and burnt outside a suburban RSL, or seeing it drawn in marker pen on the chest of a man beating another man with darker skin over the head with a VB bottle. It’s the kind of thing that makes you remember why you fought so hard to lead the nation. How can you choose between all those fantastic moments?”
Disgraced former national coach and controversial politician, Pauline Hanson, was unavailable for comment last night. Many unofficially recognised her contribution in establishing Australia as a rising force in the competitive field of race-rioting, although recognising that her failure to secure qualification for Australia at the XXXII World Election Fraud Olympiad due to basic technical errors had marred her coaching record at national level. |
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