English cricket

[Grim Reaper]

David Hicks seeks British citizenship after Aussies lose Ashes

Tuesday, 27 September 2005


Australian Guantanamo Bay inmate David Hicks has applied for British citizenship in a bid to avoid a US military tribunal and the ignominy of Australia’s recent Ashes defeat. “If there’s one thing I hate more than the whole of western civilization, it’s getting whipped by the Poms in the cricket,” Mr Hicks told his lawyer Major Michael Mori.

The Federal Government is willing to abandon Hicks in Britain rather than Cuba. Australian Guantanamo Bay inmate David Hicks has applied for British citizenship in a bid to avoid a US military tribunal and the ignominy of Australia’s recent Ashes defeat.


“If there’s one thing I hate more than the whole of western civilization, it’s getting whipped by the Poms in the cricket,” Mr Hicks told his lawyer Major Michael Mori.

“As a Muslim convert, I admit that I supported the Taliban in Afghanistan,” Mr Hicks explained. “But there’s no way I’d support Pakistan. Their middle order’s far too brittle. And I’d never fight a jihad with Shoab Akhtar. He’d spearhead an attack and then pull out when the going got tough.”

Mr Hicks says that for losing the Ashes Australian test captain Ricky Ponting should be detained without charge indefinitely, a call which has been supported by aspiring captain Shane Warne.


To support his citizenship claim, Hicks says he will be supporting the Rest of the World team in the upcoming Super Series. “In a way, I guess I’ve been supporting ‘Rest of the World’ for a few years now,” Mr Hicks reflected. “As long as there are no Americans involved.”

The British High Commission said Mr Hicks’ application could take months to process, unless he can demonstrate cricket skills like Kevin Pietersen’s, in which case he could become a full citizen by the start of the next test series.

If his bid for UK citizenship fails, Hicks has said he wants to at least change his address from his current home in Adelaide, after learning that the Crows lost in the preliminary finals of the AFL.

Prime Minister John Howard said Hicks’ decision to renounce the Australian cricket team is evidence that he is a traitor. “In fact it’s the first decent evidence against him we’ve got,” the Prime Minister acknowledged.